Like a Fine Aged Wine

So, with my next birthday looming, I’ve been thinking a lot about growing older. I’m actually ok with it. No, really! At 36-37, I’m not exactly staring down the other side of the hill yet, but your thirties are when you become a bona fide adult. A REAL adult… like how old your parents were when as a kid you first really understood the concept of age. I guess you’re still only as old as you act. And look! I mean, I did add some skinny jeans to my wardrobe this year – just trying to fit in with my co-workers, a super hip band of “Millennials.”

 

My attitude towards aging comes from my genes (not skinny.) See, the women in my family seem to get better – happier, funnier, more confident and more at peace – with age. They’re also nuttier, feistier, more spirited and more outspoken – all good things in my book. They also deal with aging and everything it entails with humor and grace - a word I can hardly type here considering their pure love of fart talk, dirty jokes and all things gross (seriously, conversations at our family dinners would make a 12 year-old boy blush, but we sure have a good time!) As my mom would say, “Getting old aint for sissies.” It’s going to happen to the best (and luckiest) of us, you might as well get your laughs where you can.

 

Laugh, we do! My 92 year-old grandma, as many her advanced age, can't remember a damn thing! I'm not telling her secrets, she knows (when she can remember) that her memory isn't good. Fortunately for her, she has my mom to keep her (mostly) in line. When Grandma forgets, Mom (mostly) gently reminds her. And when Grandma sees a sign as they're driving for Dairy Queen's sale on bacon cheeseburgers and remarks that she might like to try one, Mom advises that, in fact, they've just come from doing that very thing. Oops! But, the old fart (Grandma AND Mom) know how to roll with the punches and not be afraid to laugh at themselves. It's the only way you survive.

 

Getting older takes guts. I feel lucky that I was shown how to "roll with the punches" from a long line of lively, hilarious, headstrong women. That's a legacy I can live (and grow old) with.

 

 

Shit, Not You Again...

Right. As I was saying, "my bucket list"....

So, it's been a while since I've written - 2 1/2 years actually! Well, you know, LIFE... Jobs, friends, dramas - they come and go, all with due time. "In with the positive, out with the negative..." as I used to say when I was in my twenties and faithfully doing yoga meditations - poor sap! As I get older, I find it's more gratifying to "in" with the wine, and "out" with the F-bomb. What? It's still a form of self-expression just with a different, perhaps, less physically healthy approach.

In the last couple of years, I guess you could say I've been working on my "bucket list" (from my last post, November 2012.) But, really, aren't we always working on our lists, our goals? What's the point of achieving them, anyway? Isn't the point in the practice and lessons learned from the effort of getting there?

And I have learned a lot since my 34 year-old self who last wrote. I'll be 37 next week, and I, like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally like to say, "I'm gonna be 40!... Someday!..." Yes, yes, every birthday is a milestone, even the ones not divisible by 5 or 10. So, I'm confident (and hell-bent determined - don't challenge me, I'm a Taurus with a strong German heritage) to make 37 a great year.


So, here's to me! And, us! Or, this theoretical miraculous year in which I finally discover the one small key to infinite happiness (but not before I cure AIDS and cancer, then fund the arts all across America with the money I make, attend the Met Museum's Costume Institute Gala wearing one of those Beyonce booty-worshipping couture gowns where Clooney finally decides to turn his attention to me/my booty, where it should be.)

My Bucket List

Between a few friends' recent health scares and some fundraiser events I've attended, the subject of the "bucket list" seems to have come up a lot lately. Which got me thinking, what would I include on my own bucket list of things I'd like to do/accomplish in my lifetime. There's so much!

Do I include the easy things that would allow me to merely "cross off" a few items? Do I limit it to the most ambitious, "YOLO" list of adventures to prove that I'm alive?  If I'm being truthful, my bucket list contains some pretty mundane tasks. Afterall, I'm a mostly "youthful" 34 year-old with no known health problems or other reason to face her own mortality.

Item #1: Travel to countries/territories/areas that challenge me. I am a proud American who appreciates all that this country has to offer. However, in addition to traveling this country, I have also travelled internationally and have come to appreciate the larger perspective. There is just so much outside of our own "backyards" that could teach us so much. My biggest pet peeve: those who say they won't leave the country becuase there's so much "here" they haven't seen. Well, sure. America has so much to see and experience, but don't use that as an excuse not to travel to a place where the language, currency and culture is different.

Item #2: Be kind, be helpful, go out of your way to help others.  I'm no saint. My life is filled with plenty of regret and moments I'd rather forget. However, I TRY to live a life that will, if nothing else, let me sleep well at night. Sometimes, in my moments of self-pity, I feel that an attitude of altruism (I'm not unselfish enough to have reached that goal) leads to being taken advantage of by even the most well-meaning. What's the point? The point is, I'd rather strive to be a person who makes others feel better about themselves, gives them confidence and shows them that they have an ally in you. Everyone needs someone on their side, and neighbors help make your "community."

Item #3: Forgive yourself. I have two very close friends that I've had since college. Through life changes, marriages, break-ups, babies, new jobs, new cities, etc., we haven't spoken as often as we/I'd like. Even though we haven't been able to spend much time together, we are still as close as ever. And with our close friendships, we are able to overlook the amount of time we have (or haven't had) to catch up. At the end of the day, I love them. None of us wastes time beating ourselves up over how much (or little) time we've had to give.

My bucket list contains so many more bullet points, I just haven't yet come up with the specifics. The point is to make a list of life goals that are personal to you, but don't wait for some major life change/transition to strive for them. It's much easier to live a full life fulfilling your dreams than to wait til you're staring death in the face. Go! Embrace life! Or at least make a list of what you want to achieve. It's never too soon!

My European Siesta

It's been a good, busy summer. There has been so much going on, especially at work, that the time has flown by. But, the focus of the season, the thing I have spent the most time thinking about, planning for and recovering from, was my awesome, three-week trip to Austria in late July and early August. Having looked forward to it for nearly two years, since my last trip there, it's no surprise that I had an incredible time! I even came back home with every good intentions of writing, with great inspiration, about traveling and how much it affects your life, your attitude and your daily routine. However, I have found that it's really difficult to put into words, without sounding overly dramatic, because traveling experiences are very personal and uniquely invidividual.

The truth is, I came back from Austria (as I do with every major trip) a different person - more relaxed, more open-minded, and more appreciative. I feel very fortunate that I am able to go to Europe (after saving every penny I can from my hard-earned "non-profit" salary) every few years, and I really try to absorb every minute and appreciate every second while I'm there. This trip was no exception. Surprisingly, the thing I valued most while I was in Austria was solitude.

Although I was there to visit my sister, a violinist at the opera institute, she and her colleague/friends, who I've also gotten to know quite well, had to work during the week. This left me plenty of time to find my way and entertain myself in a foreign country. Days were spent sleeping late, wondering around town looking for hidden corners not yet seen, grocery shopping for non-preservative-filled bread and cheese and fruit (things so foreign and UNDERappreciated in America) and finally deciding on a serene and scenic place (in abundance in Austria) to read a book. My favorite is a small lake just off the Strassenbahn line, where I spent many afternoons laying in a hammock, where I could watch the ducks swim and read Peter Mayle's "A Year in Provence". Pure heaven!

Unlike every other trip I've taken, these three weeks helped me realize and appreciate the value of my own company. Back in reality in Louisville, Kentucky I live alone and have plenty of time by myself, however, the time I spent in solitude on my trip is different. There, I was on an adventure in a strange place that weirdly felt like home but where the people spoke a language that I couldn't quite grasp (despite much practicing) and where I stuck out like a foreigner, a tall, stalky, corn-fed, self-aware American. Unlike at work or weekend chores, my time was completely to use as I wanted. And my time was never better spent than on my Austrian vacation siesta.

Rick Steves' Travel Philosophy

Can't say I travel this way 100% of the time (I like tchotchke souvenirs and my extrovertedness tends to get trumped by my fear of making an ass of myself like one of THOSE tourists we all know -- think, the Griswolds visiting their German "relatives" in National Lampoon's European Vacation)-- but I love this!

Back Door Travel Philosophy
From Rick Steves' Europe Through the Back Door

Travel is freedom... one of the last great sources of legal adventure. Travel is intensified living, with maximum thrills per minute. It's recess, and we need it. Experiencing the real Europe requires catching it by surprise, going casual... Through the Back Door.

Affording travel is a matter of priorities. (Make do with the old sofa.) You can travel simply, safely, and comfortably anywhere in Europe for $100 a day plus transportation costs. In many ways, spending more money only builds a thicker wall between you and what you came to see. Europe is a cultural carnival, and time after time, you'll find that its best acts are free and the best seats are the cheap ones.

A tight budget forces you to travel close to the ground, meeting and communicating with the people. Never sacrifice sleep, nutrition, safety, or cleanliness in the name of budget. Simply enjoy the local-style alternatives to expensive hotels and restaurants.

Extroverts have more fun. If your trip is low on magic moments, kick yourself and make things happen. If you don't enjoy a place, maybe you don't know enough about it. Seek the truth. Recognize tourist traps. Give a culture the benefit of your open mind. See things as different but not better or worse. Any culture has much to share.

Of course, travel, like the world, is a series of hills and valleys. Be fanatically positive and militantly optimistic. If something's not to your liking, change your liking. Travel is addicting. It can make you a happier American, as well as a citizen of the world. Our Earth is home to nearly 6 billion equally important people. It's humbling to travel and find that people don't envy Americans. Europeans like us, but with all due respect, they wouldn't trade passports.

Globetrotting destroys ethnocentricity. It helps you understand and appreciate different cultures. Travel changes people. It broadens perspectives and teaches new ways to measure quality of life. Many travelers toss aside their hometown blinders. Their prized souvenirs are the strands of different cultures they decide to knit into their own character. The world is a cultural yarn shop. Back Door Travelers are weaving the ultimate tapestry.
Join in!

National Lampoon's Family Vacation

I am lucky to have grown up in a family that traveled. Every summer, my parents (who were not wealthy in the monetary sense) would take my sisters and me on trips to beautiful places, historical sites or the beach (sometimes all three) for a week or so, making me not only appreciate but yearn for a world outside of the small town where we grew up. I realize now, as an adult, that I saw more states and Civil War battlefields on family trips than most American children. And I am so grateful.

My parents have always appreciated the value of traveling. In fact, their first trip to Europe was when I was a year old and my sisters and I stayed with our grandparents for two weeks. I grew up watching photo slides of my parents' trip and aspiring someday to follow their path. When I was 27 my parents took me on a 3-week trip to Europe - driving from Paris down through the most beautiful areas of France, over to Italy, up to Switzerland, Germany, Luxembourg (because of a wrong turn) and over through France again. It was incredible!

Since that amazing trip, I have been lucky to have traveled all over England and to Austria. And this summer, I am going to Austria again to visit one of my sisters. While I'm there, we hope to go to Budapest in Hungary and Slovenia and Croatia for weekend trips. Exotic trips for such a frugal traveler!

I don't make a lot of money as a manager at a non-profit organization. However, travel is a priority to me, and I make room in my budget to make it possible. I realize there are others my age who have families to support and who have other expenses (houses, fancy cars, credit card debt) that make travel difficult. I made my choices just as they have theirs. Yes, it's easier to put a portion of your paycheck towards "travel" when you don't have a family to feed (the only one who suffers from an all-ramen noodle diet on my paycheck is me.) But, if my one income in the 1970s parents could make a trip to Europe work, so can you. Lack of money is no excuse when your priorities are defined.

I Love You, Man

Growing up, my family was very close, especially me and my sisters. However, we weren't one of those "I love you" families. We didn't really say it to each other, although there's no doubt we felt it (we're of German descent, what can I say?) I never doubted that my big sisters or my parents would go to bat for me at any moment during any conflict, and my normally calm demeanor can only be riled (violently!) by someone who tries to mess with my family (I won't even get into the high school drama or when my sister decided to play on the tennis team.) And then came my sister's two boys. There's nothing anyone in the family wouldn't do to protect them. All of us would risk life imprisonment or fist fights with other parents (or their douchebag kids) for those boys. And I could fill an entire blog post about comments my mom (Grandma) has made to baseball refs making "bad" calls on our two ball-playing boys. So, with my nephews it's different. We have suddenly become an "I love you family." Nothing against my parents and the way my sisters and I were raised, but it's a good feeling regularly reminding these boys (my nephews) "I love you."

As I get older, my parents, sisters and nephews mean as much to me as ever, but my friends have also become my "family," especially my Louisville family. My friends and I often say "I love you," (I've probably declared my love to more gay men than Bette Midler in the early 80's,) and it's wonderful!

A friend who I truly ADORE recently had some medical issues. As his close friends worried about him and eagerly waited for status reports, his partner sent a beautiful message letting us all know that he was doing better, our positive thoughts were appreciated and that knowing how much we love him was helping (or maybe it was making the poor guy's blood pressure spike... well, whatever...)

Anyway, the moral is, say "I love you" to those who mean a lot (friends, family, the Chinese food delivery guy who shows up quicker than Superman...) to you. What's the worst that could happen - it's one-sided? I can think of worse things than making someone special feel appreciated even if it does suddenly get awkward with your new boss or the guy who restocks the "Two-buck Chuck" at Trader Joes.