WTF Winter?

Like a menopausal woman, I am always, and I mean always, warm. While most other people at work/in the movie theater/in the Kroger freezer section shiver in chilled anguish, I exist comfortably in short sleeves and bare legs. Seriously, I haven't been able to wear a sweater in years! So, imagine the despair and discomfort I feel with the arrival of that cycle of nature, the unwanted visitor (that bitch!), that unwavering beast that strikes the best of us with personality changes, irritation and turmoil. That's right, ladies, that "special" time has arrived... El Nino is here. What did you think I was talking about?

This winter has been the warmest in history (okay, the warmest of any I can remember.) It's already late January and no snow storms, no icicles, hell, the temperature has barely gotten below 40 degrees! And this pisses me off. Without seasons, everything is just out of whack. No, there's no tangible evidence to show for this "aura" that seems to be present. It's like having a full moon every night. And I'm pretty sure I heard wolves howling outside last night, but that could've been a couple of drunk college kids reaching for the doors of the neighborhood liquor store only to find that it is closed, or a couple of displeased "residents" at the home for severely disabled fifty feet away. (I'm not poking fun of them, this is actually a regular occurance on my street.)

This annoying temperate weather that has punished us here in the "Upper South" this winter is vastly different from the snowstorms and bitter cold that I remember growing up in the Midwest. And in a lot of ways, my experience making snow ice cream as a child and ability to drive on 2 inches of ice makes me a winter expert around here. When 99% of Louisvillians are frantically rushing to buy bread and milk before "the big storm" (which usually amounts to about an inch and a half of snow, a legitimate weather emergency here) I'm given the opportunity to demonstrate my lack of concern, my resistance to such hysteria and, inevitably, my superiority over the common man. Yes, I and my Chicago-born friends thumb our noses at your utter panic. But, this winter El Nino has robbed me of my disdain, a feeling I look forward to every year! 

Some may point out that the cause of the moderate winter that irritates me so much is actually global warming at work. However, I prefer to have a name to call the phenomenom that irritates me and causes the world around us to spin slightly off axis. And, so, as I sit here in my tank top and shorts, I curse you, El Nino! If I had wanted to mow the lawn and drink frozen cocktails with little umbrellas on the patio year-round, I would have moved to Miami instead of Louisville. So, now, I am going to hibernate in my one-bedroom apartment, protected against the 50-degrees and sunny January weather, until Derby Day.

Just An Old Married Couple

It has been ages since I posted a new blog. As it is for most people, for me, December was a whirlwind of work obligations, holiday gatherings, visiting family, planning resolutions for the New Year (this year, I decided to skip ahead and make resolutions that begin on January 2nd which involved quitting that new yoga class, giving up the low-carb diet and maintaining all of the unhealthy vices that carried me through 2011. Afterall, these are the kind of resolutions that assure success to an "overachiever," like me.) But, I've also been spending a lot of time the past couple of weeks hanging out with my gay husband, "Corky."

Although he doesn't live here full-time, Corky's job brings him to Louisville a week or two out of the month. When he's in town, Corky often stays at my place - my one-bedroom, one-bathroom, one-television with one comfortable seat in the living room place. And Corky is not one who travels lightly. For a five-day stay, he typically brings every piece in the set of his baby blue luggage packed with an outfit for every occasion (real or hypothetical,) a different bottle of cologne for each day (I'm not lying,) and more hair products than I've used in the last three years combined. But, we make do with the limited personal space of my one-person apartment and have a great time.

Like an ordinary couple, Corky and I spend the evenings catching up after a long day at our jobs, we order Chinese food, share a bottle of wine.... paint each other's nails (him whining that I got polish on his cuticles,) try on high heels and choose a movie based solely on the number of shirtless men it features. Like I said, just a regular couple. And like a regular (married) couple, the honeymoon is most definitely over in this relationship. Last weekend, as we reluctantly left the house for the evening, unwashed, unshaven and otherwise not giving a damn, I pointed out our utter lack of making an effort, to which Corky admitted that he'd be wearing his pajama pants if he hadn't shit them earlier in the week. Ah, yes. There are no secrets between these girlfriends.

As much as I tease poor Corky about his gypsy lifestyle sleeping on my couch and similarities with Kato Kaelin (just kidding, Cork!) I like having him as my part-time roommate and full-time GBF. I wouldn't trade our friendship, our "old married couple" ways or our week-long slumber parties for anything! Everyone should be so lucky.