"Pookie" and Other Pet Names

I was just thinking about the story behind the name (Pookie) that my family calls me.  It occurred to me that I'm not the only one in my family (although the only human) that goes by a nickname. We've always called our family pets by alternate names. This is not so unusual, I realize.  Lots of people call their beloved shi tzu or hound dog by a shorter, sweeter, more personality-appropriate version of their actual name.  It is, afterall, why they call them "pet names."  So, Bowser may turn into "B-boy," Snoopy becomes "Snoops" and Margaret turns into "Madge," (the name of my darling beagle when I was young.) However, the nicknames of my family's pets, are anything but normal by these standards.

There is, actually, was (poor baby passed this year) my sister's cat, Claude. Claude was a handsome, lean, tabby that had a special way of entering a room (chin first, ears back and with a sudden stop as if caught redhanded) with all the grace of "Kramer" from Seinfeld.  Anyway, handsome Claude was soon called "Claudimus" (a masculine, almost "gladiator"-sounding name,) then "Claudimutz," and that eventually shortened to just "Dimutz."  And this strange, less than warm-sounding name is what the poor guy answered to until the day he died. My sister's other cat, Daphne, also had an interesting nickname.  Daphne, unfortunately, came to my sister during the heyday of the show, Melrose Place. Daphne Zuniga (who you may also know as "Princess Vespa" in Space Balls) had a starring role in the show. So, through no fault of the unlucky cat, she soon became "Zuniga" of the B-list actress fame.

My sister's critters aren't the only ones with interesting nicknames.  My parents have a slew of cats and two gorgeous dogs, Ella and Max.  Both of these are nice normal names, even fairly-common for family pets.  But for some unknown, and slightly bizarre reason, my nephew began calling Ella "Montez" and Max became "Peru." Why, you ask?  I have no idea. My nephew was very young at the time he came up with them, so who knows where he heard the words, let alone the names. But, these nicknames are still around today.

I have to admit that my own cats have also been subjected to alternate names. I've spoken a lot about my kitty, Harold, the one who's gay (I say in a whisper as if it's an unconfirmed rumor -- it's not. He's out, trust me!) But I also have the beautiful Henri who I got when she was just a kitten. Even though I've had cats all of my life, determining the sex of my baby was not as certain as I thought, so I gave her a "boy's" name. (I'm not the only one to make that mistake. My parents had a cat, "Blanche" until they realized "she" was, in fact, a "Bud" instead.) Henri is a funny (some would say "bitchy") girl with a complex personality and a bad attitude. She loves her mother (me,) most men and all lesbians. She does not love women, Grandma, my gay husband, "Corky," or anyone else. Anyway, my complicated girl, "Henri," has eventually become "Tissie" or "Tiss."

Truth be told, the origins of this name came from the term "Tissie Pristle," the term that my grandpa used (in a loving way, I like to think) to refer to gay men.  I don't know why my kitty, Henri "Tiss," got the nickname instead of my gay son, Harold.  I have a feeling that perhaps Harold is holding out for an even more fabulous title, maybe one of European royalty. Or, more likely, he may be waiting to pick out the most perfect "show" (drag) name.  My gay baby is probably secretly trying out new ones soon to unveil a new persona to fit a name, like "Amber Fields" or "Vaseline Dion" or "Amanda Reckenwhith."  That reminds me, has anyone seen the fabulous hot pink flapper-girl wig from my Halloween costume?

(Thanks, Lynnelle, for the truly frightening Photoshop work!)